20. AXO at UNF. Political Science/Criminal Justice/French. Bibliophile. Tree-hugger. Constant Contradictions. Hopeless romantic (with pessimistic influences).Questioning the universe Feedback
As humans it seems we’re always looking for something. Someone.
It’s not because we cannot be alone. Nor because being with someone is easy. But because we are taught that it’s what we should want. Being with someone. As if it’s part of our design.
And in a way, it is. We see it everyday in familial structures, in books, movies, TV Shows, art. As if everyone, in everything they do, is brought back to wanting the same thing: Someone else.
So we spend our lives searching. Of course we have our own ambitions which we seek out and accomplish along the way. Yet love, for most of us, seems to be the one thing we’re willing to bend for. For those we love we move mountains often compromising what we want, letting them influence our ideals, and sometimes even giving up our dreams.
Wow, if people are willing to write poems and kills themselves over love then it must be pretty damn phenomenal, huh? In fact, one would think something so extreme would be unattainable for most; a rarity more precious than any gem. And yet, we are all given this belief that it’s out there. It’s just waiting. It’s fate, destiny, prophecy, divine intervention!
Yes, we are taught to wholeheartedly believe that out of the 7 Billion people in the world we are going to find one out of the immeasurably small pool of people we meet in our lifetime. If that’s the case, then fate or destiny or prophecy or whoever is teasing us with this notion of love really seems to have set us up for failure. I mean think of it, the average person meets anywhere from 10,000 to 200,000 people in their lifetime. Even if you were a social butterfly and met 300,000 people you have met about 0.00004% of the world’s population. And after dating, I think we can all agree not even HALF of those people would we consider dating, especially when we consider gender and age preferences.
Still, we believe in fairytales and happily ever after and the proverbial one. Oh yes, that part’s my favorite. “The one”. How do we ever know we’ve found “the one”? Especially when the chances of finding “The One” out of 7 Billion people is 0.0000000001%.
Your chances of getting cancer, bit by a shark, killed by a vending machine, having identical quadruplets, becoming famous or winning the lottery are far better than the chance of finding “the one”.
But still, we’re realistic. We know “The One”, is more about finding the person amongst all the people we meet who we feel is best, right?
Well, that’s just it. How do we know that they are the best? It’s not like, at the point in our lives that we decide to settle down, we take a look at all the people we’ve ever encountered and decide “Yeah, you were the best”. Instead, we date people throughout our life and for most of us…we allow ourselves to believe that we have found Mr. or Mrs. Right.
So you’ve now found that person. That perfect 9. A 9 is a great score on a 1-10 scale, right? In grade school it’s an A. And a 90% chance is FAR greater than our chances of finding the one. Even if someones is 90% aligned with what you are searching for in a life partner, well geez, that’s pretty good!
But then there’s the “10”. The thorn in the side of every relationship. I’m not entirely convinced the 10 even exists, yet we’re all looking for it; for that perfect person for us. Does that mean we search all our lives looking for “the one” amongst a sea of 9s? Do we reject every “9” who comes our way? Even though they would probably make us extraordinarily happy, do we reject them because we think “Oh, you know you’re great and I could grow old with you and be happy but…you’re not my 10”? Or do we settle for the 9, knowing full well our chances of finding the 10 are so increasingly improbable? THEN deal with the knowledge, deep in the back of your mind, that you settled. And oh, it’ll be there. In fights, in meeting other people, or just in times of self-reflection, that nagging in the back of your brain will haunt you and make you wonder if the 10 is out there.
And what if it DOES exist? Does that mean most of us have settled and are missing out on the person we’re really supposed to be with? What if there really is a perfect person for us out there? Surely, books and movies and art and journeys and all the other things people dedicate and do for love cannot be for naught.
I’m still not sold on the whole “10” idea. And while I would like to say I don’t believe in it at all, and free myself from writing cyclic essays like this, I’m still searching. Most of us are. Even though I’ve found a great 9, will I ever be satisfied? Will any of us? Or will we always be searching for something greater, something impossible? And if we don’t find it, if we grow into sensible people who look for stability and happiness, rather than a fairytale love, are we missing out? Are we all inevitably settling when it comes to love?